It's another "get real" day here on the blog. Another post where I tell you who I really am. Good stuff.
For most of my life, I've tried to be all things to all people. I try to blend in, go with the flow and be a part of the crowd. But I think that sometimes I'm so eager to please that I lose myself. Things feel "normal" for a while until I suddenly catch a glimpse of who I really am. And then I get a crazy yearning for some self-exploration. A little "me" time to decipher just what it is that I really like, what I really think, where I'm really most comfortable.
When I was younger and my friends were 'goth,' I painted my nails black and wore funky fishnets.
I exerted a TON of effort on my schoolwork because I thought academia was the be-all end-all and I had to be smart like everyone else.
My sporty friends know I do yoga, my posh friends see me in trendy boots and makeup, and for my nerdy friends I wear lots of woot shirts.
I learned all about classic rock for my husband, read all the "Shopaholic" books for my inlaws, and have seen just about every tv show/movie about space that there is.
And it's not to say that I don't enjoy these things. Because I find joy and value in all of them. (Well, maybe not so much the black nails and fishnets...). They bring me closer to the people that I care about (and come on, Big Bang Theory is pretty stinkin' hilarious). They force me to broaden my horizons. But if I'm really, truly honest with myself, THIS is who I am:
* I order nachos when everyone else ordered salad.
* I crank up Christian Alternative music and drum on the steering wheel when I'm alone in my van.
* I have a walk-in-closet stuffed with clothes, but only wear 1/3 of them because I don't know how to wear the rest.
* If it were up to me, I'd never read anything but "home and garden" magazines. In the bathtub. With a bunch of pretty candles lit...(are you relaxed yet?)
* I think The Princess Bride is about as good as it gets.
* I much prefer "social" board games to "strategy" board games - I want to get to know people, I don't want to have to think.
* I understand the value of minimalism, but I am most definitively a 'nester.'
* Sometimes I just need to call my closest girlfriend and talk about absolutely nothing. Or complain till I'm all worn out. Just let out all the 'me' that's been bottled up inside.
I don't mind putting on all the different hats. I went into acting because I like exploring other personalities and different perspectives. But I've also known a soul or two who's gone a little off his rocker because in all that exploring, he lost touch with his true self. So every now and then (like when I'm singing along to Disciple in the mom-mobile on my way home from a playdate-planning session) it's nice to allow myself a little self-indulgent rumination. To think about hanging out with my roommates in college listening to the music I loved, reading the books Icouldn't wait to pick up, wearing the clothes I'd purchased on impulse because the just felt so 'right.' And sometimes I allow myself a day to be unapologetically me. Even if everyone else is eating salad and wearing pearls and talking about running marathons. I'll just sit there in my jeans and Uggs and snarf my nachos and nod along. I'm glad I'm not just like them. I'm glad they're not just like me. Can you imagine what a boring world it would be if we were?
For most of my life, I've tried to be all things to all people. I try to blend in, go with the flow and be a part of the crowd. But I think that sometimes I'm so eager to please that I lose myself. Things feel "normal" for a while until I suddenly catch a glimpse of who I really am. And then I get a crazy yearning for some self-exploration. A little "me" time to decipher just what it is that I really like, what I really think, where I'm really most comfortable.
When I was younger and my friends were 'goth,' I painted my nails black and wore funky fishnets.
I exerted a TON of effort on my schoolwork because I thought academia was the be-all end-all and I had to be smart like everyone else.
My sporty friends know I do yoga, my posh friends see me in trendy boots and makeup, and for my nerdy friends I wear lots of woot shirts.
I learned all about classic rock for my husband, read all the "Shopaholic" books for my inlaws, and have seen just about every tv show/movie about space that there is.
And it's not to say that I don't enjoy these things. Because I find joy and value in all of them. (Well, maybe not so much the black nails and fishnets...). They bring me closer to the people that I care about (and come on, Big Bang Theory is pretty stinkin' hilarious). They force me to broaden my horizons. But if I'm really, truly honest with myself, THIS is who I am:
* I order nachos when everyone else ordered salad.
* I crank up Christian Alternative music and drum on the steering wheel when I'm alone in my van.
* I have a walk-in-closet stuffed with clothes, but only wear 1/3 of them because I don't know how to wear the rest.
* If it were up to me, I'd never read anything but "home and garden" magazines. In the bathtub. With a bunch of pretty candles lit...(are you relaxed yet?)
* I think The Princess Bride is about as good as it gets.
* I much prefer "social" board games to "strategy" board games - I want to get to know people, I don't want to have to think.
* I understand the value of minimalism, but I am most definitively a 'nester.'
* Sometimes I just need to call my closest girlfriend and talk about absolutely nothing. Or complain till I'm all worn out. Just let out all the 'me' that's been bottled up inside.
I don't mind putting on all the different hats. I went into acting because I like exploring other personalities and different perspectives. But I've also known a soul or two who's gone a little off his rocker because in all that exploring, he lost touch with his true self. So every now and then (like when I'm singing along to Disciple in the mom-mobile on my way home from a playdate-planning session) it's nice to allow myself a little self-indulgent rumination. To think about hanging out with my roommates in college listening to the music I loved, reading the books Icouldn't wait to pick up, wearing the clothes I'd purchased on impulse because the just felt so 'right.' And sometimes I allow myself a day to be unapologetically me. Even if everyone else is eating salad and wearing pearls and talking about running marathons. I'll just sit there in my jeans and Uggs and snarf my nachos and nod along. I'm glad I'm not just like them. I'm glad they're not just like me. Can you imagine what a boring world it would be if we were?
