It's another "get real" day here on the blog.  Another post where I tell you who I really am.  Good stuff.

For most of my life, I've tried to be all things to all people.  I try to blend in, go with the flow and be a part of the crowd.  But I think that sometimes I'm so eager to please that I lose myself.  Things feel "normal" for a while until I suddenly catch a glimpse of who I really am.  And then I get a crazy yearning for some self-exploration.  A little "me" time to decipher just what it is that I really like, what I really think, where I'm really most comfortable.

When I was younger and my friends were 'goth,' I painted my nails black and wore funky fishnets. 
I exerted a TON of effort on my schoolwork because I thought academia was the be-all end-all and I had to be smart like everyone else.
My sporty friends know I do yoga, my posh friends see me in trendy boots and makeup, and for my nerdy friends I wear lots of woot shirts.
I learned all about classic rock for my husband, read all the "Shopaholic" books for my inlaws, and have seen just about every tv show/movie about space that there is. 
 
And it's not to say that I don't enjoy these things.  Because I find joy and value in all of them.  (Well, maybe not so much the black nails and fishnets...).  They bring me closer to the people that I care about (and come on, Big Bang Theory is pretty stinkin' hilarious).  They force me to broaden my horizons.  But if I'm really, truly honest with myself, THIS is who I am:


* I order nachos when everyone else ordered salad.
* I crank up Christian Alternative music and drum on the steering wheel when I'm alone in my van.
* I have a walk-in-closet stuffed with clothes, but only wear 1/3 of them because I don't know how to wear the rest. 
* If it were up to me, I'd never read anything but "home and garden" magazines.  In the bathtub.  With a bunch of pretty candles lit...(are you relaxed yet?)
* I think The Princess Bride is about as good as it gets.
* I much prefer "social" board games to "strategy" board games - I want to get to know people, I don't want to have to think.
* I understand the value of minimalism, but I am most definitively a 'nester.'
* Sometimes I just need to call my closest girlfriend and talk about absolutely nothing.  Or complain till I'm all worn out.  Just let out all the 'me' that's been bottled up inside. 

I don't mind putting on all the different hats.  I went into acting because I like exploring other personalities and different perspectives.  But I've also known a soul or two who's gone a little off his rocker because in all that exploring, he lost touch with his true self.  So every now and then (like when I'm singing along to Disciple in the mom-mobile on my way home from a playdate-planning session) it's nice to allow myself a little self-indulgent rumination.  To think about hanging out with my roommates in college listening to the music I loved, reading the books Icouldn't wait to pick up, wearing the clothes I'd purchased on impulse because the just felt so 'right.' And sometimes I allow myself a day to be unapologetically me.  Even if everyone else is eating salad and wearing pearls and talking about running marathons.  I'll just sit there in my jeans and Uggs and snarf my nachos and nod along.  I'm glad I'm not just like them.  I'm glad they're not just like me.  Can you imagine what a boring world it would be if we were?
 


Comments

01/06/2012 05:29

Awesome honesty. I think we all have a tendency to chameleon it a bit when hanging out with different types of people. And nachos rule.

01/06/2012 05:41

Are you ME?? Seriously! I do the SAME EXACT THING. Including the jeans, nachos and uggs. Funny how you can get caught up in other peoples worlds and lose sight of YOU. But YOU always comes back...and I'm always happy to accept the real me when it comes knocking at the door. This is a great post :)

01/06/2012 06:18

I love this post. I am visiting from Living in Yellow. So glad I am. This post is an inspiration to me. Earlier this year I blogged about who and what I am to people: http://lantzarmyof5.blogspot.com/2011_07_01_archive.html

I have been trying to live what I say, sometimes it is hard. Thanks for reminding me to be myself, to not get overwhelmed with others needs.

01/06/2012 09:53

Aww I love this post! I am like that too, different hats for different people. Its better that way not only for myself but for those around me. I have been told a lot people like me because I can be serious but I also can be completely ditzy and say some funny or dumb things and still laugh at myself.

As for your closet. I would be more then happy to help you out! If you have need advice just ask! Or maybe if you have the time you can be a contributor to my new blog so you can put together some great outfits.


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